Reaching Out | Single Moms Coach

Reaching Out

Today I am writing about my feelings on a certain topic. I speak from personal experience as well as for all of the women who have written to me asking me for advice and for help. I have shared through all of my teachings how we can help ourselves, take control over our own lives and move forward towards our dreams.

Now, I am going to bring to the surface what is not often spoken about. Many single moms swallow the pain of not having the support that they need from friends, family and anyone.  Based on the emails I have received and the stories I have read and heard, I can tell you that most single moms are genuinely working as much as they can in every area of their lives to create the best life possible for their entire family. We all have the power to create our desired lives. But today, I am going to talk about the responsibility we have to one another to help each other. So many single parents, mainly moms, NEED help and support. They need a break. They need child care. They need food. They need a way to move forward.

I recently attended a very empowering seminar and in this class the speaker said something that really resonated with me. He said that single parents need to reach out to those around them and say “I need your help so that I can move forward.” This article is partially for single parents but I really writing it for everyone who is not a single parent and who CAN help.

A single mom told me that when she became a single mom and left her abusive marriage (which is way too common these days), she reached out to her father for help and he said to her ” How are you going to do this all by yourself?” and was actually encouraging her to stay and “stick it out”.

If you know a single mom, the words you should say to her are “How can I help you move forward?” not “How are you going to do this all alone?”.

I met a woman a few days ago who used to be a single mom and she said that it is draining physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It can be when the people around you are not supporting you. Not listening to you. Going about their lives and not understanding the kind of ripple effect they are causing by not reaching out to you or responding to you when you ask.

Another single mom has asked a family member several times for assistance and this particular family member hasn’t even replied to her.

It is beyond my comprehension as to why this happens.

I do know this, everyone is living their lives in harmony with their level of awareness and consciousness. Have you heard the saying “If they knew better, they would do better”?

So where does that leave all of these single moms struggling for survival and finding themselves alone at the end of the day with no one to really turn to?  First, they need to fearlessly reach out to everyone they know because a little help here and there adds up.

Where does this leave all of those who know single moms but are not responding to their need for help? Well, they are not responsible for the single moms. They cannot “save” them. They can, however, reach out with genuine interest to help make another human beings life better and ask them what they need help with and do what they can to help. It can be as simple as offering to mow their lawn
every  now and then or saying call me when you need me. Or better yet, give them a call.

We are here for one another. Yes we all make our own choices but it doesn’t mean that we should abandon one another in times of need. Again, no one ever succeeded alone. I’m not saying that all of the responsibility is on others. That is not the case. What I am saying is that the single moms are fully responsible for their position, however, as a whole, we are on the same spiritual team. Why not show that on a physical level?

This message comes from my heart and I am putting it out there because I am on a mission to help raise awareness to all of the issues single moms face.  I provide services and give information that will help single moms heal and empower themselves but the other half of that equation is raising awareness to everyone else so that they can play a part in the lives of these women and their beautiful children who want to and should experience the best of life.

I hope this message stirs something in your heart or mind. Please share it with everyone you know and help me spread this message out to the world.


4 Responses to “Reaching Out”

  1. Candace on January 27th, 2011 10:09 am

    I often read information online hoping to find wisdom and encouragement. When I read what you’ve written here, I feel sad. I struggle daily – but I know my struggles are mine. My family and my friends help me in their own ways, but I know that I am not the center of ‘their’ world and my happiness in not dependent on them reaching out to me (in the way I think they should), or answering all my different needs. Single mothers will never find happiness waiting around for family and/or friends to help them out. Everyone struggles in their own way – it could be that the lady who didn’t like the questions / comments she got from her father isn’t stopping to look at the situation from his perspective. Maybe his life experience is guiding his comments and his concern is coming from a place that is real to him and not intended to sound uncaring. I don’t believe any parent would be wrong in asking, “how are you going to do this by yourself?” That question would be the first on everyone’s mind. Because, as single parents – we are on our own! That’s the bottom line – and it is not our parents responsibility nor our friends responsibility to make our lives feel better by offering assistance. Sure, it’s awesome when someone does help, and we have to always feel gratitude and express that gratitude; but we have to be very careful not to put our burdens on others and then feel rejected when they don’t respond. People help us in their own way – not always in the way we’d like or feel we need. We are responsible for our lives – and our lives are tough – but we can’t blame our families or friends for the situation we find ourselves in. We can only work with what we have – not what we wish we had – or what we think we could have if only ‘someone’ would ‘help’ us more. We can’t look to others for help they are not able or willing to give and then use that as an excuse for not making the choices we need to make in order to move forward. Being a single parent is not easy and it never will be. It is a lonely, thankless, heart-wrenching job that we can survive. But it’s not going to make you feel better to keeping looking to others for help – it’s only going to give you frustration and excuses. Once we stop spinning our wheels waiting for friends/family to help – we can start to focus on solutions that don’t require anyones’ help. In the end our successes and our failures are ours alone. Help, in any form, is icing and it is not something to be counted on and certainly can’t be expected or demanded. Single parents are not entitled to ‘more’ from those around them and spending precious time lamenting about it is totally insane.

  2. Vanessa Roff on January 28th, 2011 9:54 am

    Your reframe of “How are you going to do this all alone?” into ““How can I help you move forward?” Is sooooooo refreshing.

    When people reach out to help others. it is the whole community that benefits.

    According to research referenced in the book, Bowling Alone in America, it is the communities where people know each other, can reach out and help or be helped by a neighbor that are the communities that do the best. It is the “I know you, We help each other factor” that is the key. Communities built on a strong infrastructure of personal connections overall are:
    healthier (physically and mentally),
    wealthier (higher employment), and
    wiser (better educated).

    Surprisingly, a strong community has much less to do with the presence of wealth in the community, good leadership, good schools, or good jobs. These factors are minimal when compared to the relationship/helping factor.

    We are designed to live and thrive in community.

    May Gob bless all the folks that reach out and help a single mom!

  3. Tecla Garcia on January 30th, 2011 12:35 pm

    I was a fairly new single mom of 2 children, one 4 one 7, when my daughter had a spider bite on her face that gave her a high fever that just wouldn’t quit. SHe had to be hospitalized for 3 weeks and was put on IV’s for a severe infection that swelled her face and cheek out 4-5″ from the side of her face. I had just begun working at a new job, had just placed my son in daycare for the first time in his life and my daughter was supposed to be at a wonderful summer camp which we forfeited because of the hospitalization. I would get off work, go pick my son up at daycare and head to the hospital to be with my daughter from 5:30-9:00 pm when visiting hours ended.

    I couldn’t afford to buy food to eat out every night so I just had a jar of peanut butter and some bread that I brought to the hospital every night so my son and I would have something to eat.

    When I arrived home the third night of her hospitalization, there was a full grocery bag on my front porch. Inside was a cooked rotisserie chicken, a loaf of whole grain bread, some cans of progresso soups, 2 bags of salad mix, some granola bars, a box of granola cereal, a bag of oatmeal cookies and an envelope with a $20.00 bill.

    I don’t know who left the bag. No one I asked fessed up. But what a life saver. My son and I had 5 nights of meals from that bag and 2 nights of dinners at the hospital which got us through until I got my first paycheck. I will be forever grateful and eternally bless whoever did this for me.

  4. Marilyn on January 31st, 2011 1:17 pm

    I am in tears as I read this. THIS is what I want everyone to know! The power of generosity has a ripple effect that literally changes lives. Thank YOU for sharing this with me and everyone who reads this.

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